It's like God shit irony all over that family
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
