this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
