she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
