I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
