so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I smell like Dick and happiness
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
