...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
