I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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