You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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