But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
