just tell him i said nine months
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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