just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
