No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
