I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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