I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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