not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
