I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
