I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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