yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize