Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
