In the future we'll all be gay
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
