ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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