It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
