he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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