Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize