somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
