This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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