my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
