I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize