So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
