Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
