Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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