i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
