Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
oh god the rape fog is back!
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
