I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
