Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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