i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
