Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
