Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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