His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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