I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
