I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
