dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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