1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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