I will die if light touches me.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
