This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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