i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
