you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
