So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
