oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
