I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
