Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
