I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
