obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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