She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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