we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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