I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
