WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
