in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
