I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
