I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
