I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
