it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
