I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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