You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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