You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
