how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
