There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Found your dick twin last night
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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